This weekend I turned 28 years old and I feel ancient. I know, the rest of you are rolling your eyes saying that 28 still young and you are
right. Relatively, 28 is young. My soul, however, is tired. I feel like I have lived the life of an old woman that has seen too many wars.
Over dramatic much?
Yeah, I know. The curse of being a writer. (That, and I have recently been binge-watching “The Last Kingdom” on Netflix because finals are over and “Game of Thrones” season 8 is taking too long to start up again!) The stories I have written have done nothing to help with the dramatics in my life but it has also forced me to grow in ways I never thought I would have. Now, I see things from multiple perspectives. Things that I would never have concerned in the past are now stories in my head in which a piece of me lives in an altered universe. I can see the logic of antagonist more clearly than I can the protagonist at times, and when I see another heartbreaking a part of mine breaks along with it.
What does this have to do with anything?
The point of it all is that this year, at this point in my life, I have realized that writing is more to me than a hobby or a means to gain notoriety. Writing is as important to me as it is to breathe and reading is like the water I must drink to stay alive. This is not a practice I could ever so simply stop because I’m sure I would go insane. There is always a story in my head, a character I wish to recognize, a point of view to highlight a fresh insight.
In 2018 I have accomplished so much and have so little to show for it. I fear that I will never be traditionally published. I fear that no one will read my writing. I fear that I am not enough. I am still waiting for publishers to send back word of my fate and every day that passes I hold my dreams on my sleeve.
My Inspiration to Keep Going:
Even though this weight is pressed on my shoulders I’m not going to let it bring me down or stop me from continuing to pursue my dream of being traditionally published. So with this, I am going to leave you with two literary nerds that have inspired me to continue this year.
First is David Foster Wallace, a great writer taken from us too soon. His commencement speech for Kenyon’s college class of 2005, “This is Water” is an video clip that will haunt me forever in the best sense possible. I share this not only to inspire but to explain my train of thought in this reflection of my 27th year on Earth. I hope his words stay with as they have for me.
And another one of my best friends Olivia McKintosh who has constantly been an inspiration to me to start a blog and social media platform. She has had the blog Olivia Reads a-Latte for a few years reviewing YA and NA books, and now has a successful Vlog on YouTube where she shares book reviews, book journaling tips, and organizational tricks for every girl (or boy’s) private book collection. With a pumpkin spice latte in her hand she is fearless and my literary cheerleader (love you boo!).