I wish I was invisible.
I am invisible.
I catch myself staring into space like it’s something in front of me that I can catch. I wish I could describe how I feel in words that wrap around your body and plunge into your core. That way you wouldn’t ask me how I was doing. You would just know.
You would just know that I am surrounded in oxygen and still cannot breathe.
You would just know that I turn into a zombie and think about things such as taking off onto the open road and leaving no trace behind.
You would just know that I am in a self induced pain deeper than any knife could ever scar me.
Maybe then you would see that there is more to me than words on a page. You could then look past my grammar and see the frustration that mounds everytime I stutter or stumble. See the way that I wince everytime I stand or sit because my bones are weakened from carrying my insatiable need for more. Perhaps then you would see my voice for the morse code that lies beneath.
When I say, “I miss you,” it means I need you.
When I say, “I can’t wait to see you,” it means I’m searching for anything to stop me from crying.
When I say, “I love you,” it means I’m drowning and I can’t get through this alone.
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